It was with an extreme mixture of emotions that I checked Dad out of the rehab center this past week. He seemed to be doing so well mentally, but limited exercise was rapidly becoming a pitfall. Although he had both a Physical Therapist and an Occupational Therapist, neither seemed to be working him to the extent he worked himself, just the weeks leading up to his pneumonia. And no therapy on the weekends made me feel like we were losing ground.
Dad on his John Deere just two months ago…
We were a family divided on what was best, but I went with my gut, which makes the more brain-driven members of my family nuts. 😉 Dad wanted to come home so badly, saying repeatedly, “I have no business being in here in the first place!” My Mom wanted him home. The daily drives an hour round trip were wearing her out. And I knew I would be there to help with the transition.
But whether it be “too many new meds or changes of beds,” things did not go well. He was lucid all the way home, reminding me of all the exits, speed zones, and upcoming stop signs. 😉 But the minute we arrived in the driveway, something happened. I wish I knew what. I helped him out of the car, and he turned to me and said “Where to now?” I said “Why don’t you go to your room and rest?” To which he replied, “I don’t remember where that is…” He went from remembering all our neighbors by their nicknames, to not remembering where he slept for the past 40 years in a matter of minutes, while I went from trusting my gut to a kick in the gut in less.
His mind seems to come and go. Much to my dismay, he remembers the things I wish he could forget, like the color of the skin of our President, yet he can’t seem to recall the name of his youngest son. This is not out of the ordinary for a 93 year old, a bullet we have been dodging for years. I just never expected the onset to happen so suddenly…
To what extent does “life go on” when one is 93? There are no answers. At least not easy ones.
Meanwhile, here are a few reflections from Zion National Park with the Box Canyon Duo, Mark and Bobbie, and the Souva Family; John II, Ellen, and son John III. These hikes are more of a “journey type” rather than a “destination type,” but worthy of a blog post, nonetheless.
Tempi’po’op Trail, Santa Clara Canyon, Utah
The first is of Santa Clara Canyon. This is an area just outside of St George, Utah, where but for the grace of a few petroglyphs, would seem destined to be littered with million dollar, earth-toned homes. We hiked the Tempi’po’op trail, which means “rock writing” in Southern Paiute. This trail runs alongside the rim of the canyon overlooking the Santa Clara River for a few miles, where we stopped along the way to search for some of the more hidden petroglyphs, many carved along precarious overhangs. At a lower elevation than Zion, it offered a nice break on the rare cold day.
Looking over the edge to find petroglyphs.
Ask one man’s opinion…
For Nicole…who says I never slow down long enough to see the small stuff…
Eagle Crags Trail, Rockdale, UT
The second hike is the Eagle’s Crag, just outside the park. Some shied away from this hike due to the warnings that a 4WD high clearance vehicle was recommended. However, the road had apparently been grated, and albeit a bit rutty, not impassable. The scenic trail starts out through a juniper forest, then climbs gradually to offer beautiful views of the Zion Canyon on one side, opposite the steep, sheer Eagle Crags, a ridge of the Vermillion Cliffs on the other side.
John II and John III pick out landmarks across the canyon.
A private reservoir
A rare moment alone…or so he thought. 😉
Eagle Crags, ridge of Vermillion Cliffs.
This can be a very difficult time, especially when you have varying opinions that make you question your decisions. You are doing the right thing going with your gut. At this point I think your Dad is better off at home with familiar faces and surroundings.
Merry Christmas and may you have nothing but happiness for the new year.
Wishing you patience and perseverance dealing with this new family dynamic.
Love the shot of the dog riding on the biker!
If you are planted in TX for a while, remember that sitting and paging through your blog is a great way to relive the memories and remind you of what you have to look forward to when you are able to travel again…
both Sharon and I have lost both of our parents so we can can sensevyour sadness and confusion… it too will ease with time
We are thinking of you. Hard decisions, yes, but made with love. You can only do your best.
What beautiful photos! I would have discounted either of these hikes as probably not all that pretty…
I was thinking of you just this morning, wondering how you and your family were doing, when your blog post popped up. My heart goes out to you as you and your family deal with the stresses of making decisions impacting your Dad. The role reversal was something I never liked, but it’s part of life that many of us experience.
So wish there was an easy and straight forward answer for your dad and your family. This is the most difficult time, and the decisions never seem to stop. Thinking of you lots and hope you manage a relaxing Christmas nonetheless.
Nina
Thinking of you and your family as you face the challenges ahead:)
Love these last two hikes! I need to check them out when we return to the area. The hikes and exploration will wait for you to return when you feel it is time:)
I’m glad you bought Dad home, that was the right thing to do, saved Mum some wear and tear too.
Hope you enjoy the day tomorrow
Happy Christmas!
Going on your gut feeling is often the best way, and from your Dads viewpoint being in familiar surroundings I would think it has to be best. As a friend who is well into his 80’s once said…”this getting old business is not for wimps”
Doing what you must is certainly not easy…..I’m glad to hear from you though I know it probably was not easy to write. Embrace the good moments and always look for opportunities to make more. Thinking of you during this difficult time. Karen
Happy Holidays young woman. Our thoughts are with you at this happy / sad time.
Follow what your instincts tell you. There is no right answer for what your dad needs. His confusion has nothing to do with you or where you are or what you are doing. Just do what you and the family agree upon and enjoy being with him and supporting your mom.
May the new year bring joy.
peace,
Allen and Deede
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas, Suzanne… and as you know… I’ve been in a similar position as you. The doctor told us that my Dad would be a vegetable if he performed this hemorrhage surgery … almost 100% certain … but my brothers and Mother insisted we keep him alive ….
I was the one who stayed with him and saw his head become a balloon …. fed through a tube. He … nevermind …. I think of you often .. and hope that you find respite. It’s great that you have these memories and your blog to rest yer brain.
I know it sounds trite but … this really will pass … but when you’re in the throes of such a situation … it’s hard to remember even though we know …
peace my friend ….
I’ll have a Hisbiscus tea and raise it in your honor!
Having a tough time here personally as well, as you may have picked up on in my recent post. My son suffers from mental illness and we’ve been having a tough time lately. Today was the first good day in about a month and it’s such a relief because the last 2 Christmases were very difficult. I just found out there are more services and support that our psychiatrist never told us were available to us (support group within an hour drive, access to a case manager and other services) so perhaps we can finally get it together and at least feel like we’re making some headway dealing with such a tough situation. My mother in law is also 93 and I’m amazed every year that she is still with us and living in her own home. I’ll be thinking of you out there and whether or not any decisions you make about your father’s care are “right” none of them will be “wrong”. Does that make any sense? Enjoy your family the best you can tomorrow, all that matters is love.
Thank everyone so much for your kind words of support and compassion for my family. I truly feel blessed to have met so many friends via such a crazy medium as a blog! Your comments were like a balm in soothing the difficult realities.
I trust that each of you had a wonderful holiday, and know we are all looking forward to the promise of a New Year in 2015!
My best to you and your families,
Suzanne