I love my little motor home as much or more than I could have imagined. But it has been grounded in the driveway for a while for many reasons. Winter. Dentists. And my need to ease into the shift of working environments. Having a very “engaging” job has forced me to go a lot slower than I would have otherwise liked. Lots of testing of my Millenicom service; 3G versus 4G, MiFi versus USB. Routers, Yagi antennas, yadda, yadda, yadda. Finding an “ergonomically friendly” seating arrangement. Pushing the boundaries of my “telecommuting job” is not easy for a “do gooder” like me. Friends call me “The Responsible One.”
I’ve got to take it slow, though. Test the waters (or in this case the MiFi signal!) Work out all the possible bugs. Don’t want to ruin a good gig before I even get out of the driveway!
But I am tired of being “The Responsible One.” I am ready to set myself free. Sprout my wings and soar! But being the indecisive Libra that I am, I need to do it in stages. No leaping off cliffs unless someone is pushing me. Like the bungy jumping operator in New Zealand as I stood tenuously on my tip toes at the end of the plank overlooking the Karawara River 150 feet below with nothing more than a big rubberband around my ankles. I turned to him and said, “I can’t do it. You are going to have to push me!” to which he replied, “This is bungy JUMPING, Mate!! NOT bungy PUSHING! You are going to have to do it all on your own!”
The only picture I got, because I was scared out of my mind!
Yeah. All on my own. Not so easy. If I am an adrenalin junkie, addicted to exploration and adventure, then this should be easy, right? 
This got me to thinking. All the times in my life when I have seemed so brave and decisive, whether it be jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, soaring off the hang gliding platform, or packing up all my belongings and moving to an unfamiliar city like New York where I knew not one soul, there had always been something pushing me. Whether it was a tandem pilot, a nonrefundable airline ticket, or the starting deadline for a new job, there was always a driving factor. So what is the “push” that I am waiting for now? 
My main procrastinator seems to be overcoming my mechanical fears. I am not quite sure where this comes from, since my 7th grade “aptitude test” said I should be a mechanic! But I need to do some maintenance, like checking tire pressure, battery charge, fluid levels, and “de-winterize” before I can go.
So instead, I spend a lot of time sitting in the moho, just staring, pondering all the modifications I would make if only it were mine. Oh wait! It IS mine! Then what am I waiting for? I have a list of things I want or need to do, some which involve drilling holes, or some manner of destruction to my beloved little gypsy wagon, all in the name of “progress.”
So instead, I sit in the swivel seat, the little skylight overhead open, and wonder how all those other RVers that proudly post their mods on to the Yahoo group do it. Why does it come so easily to them and not me? I hear the birds happily chirping away outside, busily building their nests with vigor, as I contemplate the intrinsic nature that lies within each of them to know exactly the right method, dimensions etc. that they need to turn a simple tree into their home. 
They don’t need someone to push them. They just instinctively know what to do. Sometimes, you just have to do it, and trust at some point, Mother Nature will kick in!
Coincidentally, your blog post appeared right next to one from Raptitude tonight that seemed to be answering your questions!
http://www.raptitude.com/2013/03/how-to-make-hard-things-easy/
Loved this line — “Almost everything that’s easy for you now was at one time hard.”
Read his other recent posts too– surely will inspire you to jump! Just think– in a few weeks, you’ll be enjoying Austin and laughing at what you were so worried about! And if not, and all goes horribly wrong…you’ll at least have some delicious new fodder for the blog 😉
Thanks, Lynne,
I used to follow raptitude, but I somehow became an “RV Purist.” I was really appreciating that link about 2:00am when I could not stop reading “just one more post.” haha!!
Thanks so much for all your support!
ah, Suzanne… reading this put what I’m doing in perspective. I’ve been here and I’ve been there. Now … I’m now in a wth phase … armed with a list of todos … I’m sitting here looking out my window thinking exactly as you are in your motorhome.
How I do wish I could get excited about a can of paint … the colors … the end result. Pulling up carpet and making what I want to see happen. Putting up the bamboo fencing ~ it’s bought and out by the chain link fence ~ ready to be attached.
I’m not afraid … it’s just that not only am I not mechanically inclined but have an inability to focus on any one thing for any great length of time. I’ll start a this and HELLO that … and I’ve got 27 thises and thats going.
My goal for today? focus on one thing. It’s stormy. Sooooo the original focusing on one thing thing can’t be done. I’ve now made toast and am contemplating the next focus. I do believe it’s cleaning the toaster oven which OBVIously hasn’t been cleaned since I left home a year ago.
haha…. I love your “now what” bird… HAhaaa…
Push me I’m falling… right on! BUT I have complete faith in both of us… I really do…
You’re a Libra and I’m an Aries… I push without thinking and you think 77 different ways to push … I need to think more… no, I don’t. Well? yes, I do.
Have a lovely wonderful day, Suzanne….
Hi Lynne 😉
Thanks, Carolyn, I have complete faith in both of us too! I think we are similar in a lot of ways. Most of my dearest friends are Aries!
I am enjoying reading about the unfolding of your next chapter, all because I know it is constantly evolving, and I had better pay attention. You are going to make a very interesting place for yourself there, surrounded by the love of Yates, Charlie, and Adelle….OR…you are just as likely to be off in Homer again before I can keep up! VVRRROOOMM!! Either way, it is always going to be interesting!
Thanks for the words of encouragement in us BOTH!
There is nothing wrong with “stages,” after all, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” nor the Pyramids, Freedom, or RV Life, for that matter. I think it’s prudent to test the waters; it demonstrates that you are becoming a discretionary adventurer… using hard won wisdom. Adrenalin producing thrills like bungie jumping and jumping out of planes takes only an instantaneous moment of courage. An RV lifestyle takes years of planning, refinement and “work.” Try to enjoy the process… it’s part of the “adventure” of change… and it doesn’t happen overnight for good reasons.
Here’s to “Soaring,” of a different kind 🙂 Love that you share the thoughts on your Journey to Full Time. It helps others who are contemplating similar questions.
Box Canyon Mark
Thanks for your words of encouragement, Mark. Good advice to enjoy the process / adventure of change. I like that. You and Bobbie are one of my primary motivators for “getting out there and doing it!” I am going to get rid of that treadmill yet! 😉
HA! Love this one! Sometimes you just need to get on the road. Sometimes you just need to tear some stuff apart and make it your own.
Cat Stevens wrote “The first cut is the deepest”. Well, that’s was true in our Annie too. First thing ever was I took a jigsaw to a floor to ceiling wall so that we could see out the back windows. It was so exciting that the next thing we knew we had torn the whole interior out so we could rebuild to suit. The song should say, the first cut AND the first HOLE in the roof. Oh, that was a tough one! The other four were easy breezy and we had some solar.
Be forewarned: after those ‘firsts’ are out of the way, you will most definitely be addicted to the power and possibilities that you will hold. HAVE FUN!
Nicole? Your post gives me heart palpitations!! I bought one of those under-the-sink soap dispensers, but decided I will never have the nerve to drill the hole in the countertop…let alone the ROOF?? LOL!