Separation Anxiety

It was cold and dark in the trailer park when Lynne and I hitched up and rode on out of ole San Antone, bound for West Texas.  Daylight Savings Time had ridden in as we were riding out.  No debate here, if you are a 9 to 5’er, you understand why DST is a good thing!

It was 369 miles to our next destination, so we would be driving most of the day.  Lynne brought along a set of walkie-talkies, so that certainly made the day go much faster.  Hard not to laugh when you hear “Brrrreaaaker 1-9.”

I have to admit, the scenery was prettier than I expected.   Having always traveled north to south in the state, I had never seen this part of the Texas Hill Country.  The rolling hills, limestone cliffs, and cedar breaks were very scenic.

Our destination was Balmorhea State Park, for a couple of reasons.  Texas has a stupid rule where the entire state gets out for Spring Break all at the same time.  Since it is too hot to camp in these areas in the summer, Spring Break is the time when the fair weather RVers air up the tires, check their generators, and head out for their annual camping trip.  Balmorhea was the only State Park with hook-ups and a promise of reliable Verizon signal available for the work week, while also positioning me near my vacation destination of Big Bend.

Lynne was heading off to boondock for a few days, so we radio’ed our goodbyes as she took the Ft Stockton exit.  “10-4, Ethel, see you at the pool on Tuesday, Over and Out!”

The further I drove, the more desolate it became.  I started to get that familiar knot in my stomach that creeps in when I get too far from “infrastructure.”  (As my poor brother Don will remember from my meltdown in the remote beach location of Bajia de la Luna, MX.  Take my word…it wasn’t pretty.)   Once I get too far off the grid, let’s just say it takes me a couple of days to “settle in.”  😉  My analogy is that I felt like the ambient pressure had left our atmosphere, and I was bleeding out…

I have lived a blissful fulltimers existence in my Winnie for the last year by skirting the major cities up the east coast and back.  All this “remoteness” really has me questioning how I will fare out west.   Lynne says, “Just pretend you are in Tibet.”   All the dust and dirt, surrounding mountain ranges, lack of trees, white stuccoed walls with red tile roofs of the campground make Tibet easier to imagine than one might think.

Balmorhea has no grocery stores beyond what you would find at a 7-11.  There are two restaurants in town.  With a population of 449, I am surprised they can even support a Post Office….which is where I met “Viola.”   I had to mail some things back home, so I dropped by the tiny one-room post office.  I asked Viola what they did for groceries around here, since the nearest Walmart (more like “Walmart-LITE”) was over an hour’s drive back in Fort Stockton.  Viola says, “It’s tough livin’ in a town with no meat!”

Bicyclists must yield to turkeys. I thought about eating one!

Balmorhea is known for one thing, and one thing only.  It is the largest fresh water spring-fed pool in the world.    The original pool and park was constructed in the 1930’s by the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps, part of FDR’s “New Deal”) which explains the beautiful limestone rock structures around the pool as often found in other Texas State Parks built by the CCC.

The CCC hand-built the pool, bathhouses, and adobe motel rooms using local limestone and adobe brick excavated from the pool.

The deepest part is the 250 foot circle at 25 feet deep around the San Solomon Springs. Two rectangular-shaped tangents extend out from the circular pool in an “L-shape.”  Between 22 and 28 million gallons of water flow through the springs per day.   The pool itself holds 3.5 million gallons of water, so it can hold a lot of swimmers before one feels the crowd effect.   Though at this time of the year, there was never more than a dozen people in the pool during my three swims.

The pool is a big draw for SCUBA enthusiasts

The water is a crystal clear Windex-blue, with excellent visibility down to the 25 foot bottom, making it a big draw for SCUBA divers.  Some may find the smell of the water off-putting, as it reeks of earth and minerals.  For me, I associate it with only good things in my past….the smell of Barton Springs pool on an unseasonably warm spring day while cutting classes for an early swim.  The smell of the warm, restorative healing hot springs in Arkansas and Tennessee.  Or the Florida aquifer, when preparing to dive half a mile back into the underwater flow in a karst cave.  All of these evoke pleasant memories from my past, so I inhale deep.

Valves to regulate the release of water from the spring-fed pool

Water from the pool runs through canals and wetlands in the park, and travels 3.5 miles to Balmorhea Lake, where it is used for irrigation.

There is only one way to enter this pool on a cool, breezy March day when the air temperature is lower than the springs themselves (constant 72-76 degrees year round.)   That is straight off the end of the diving board.   Otherwise, to approach one toe at a time is just too painful, too fearful, and too easy to turn back.  

As I lay on my back, floating blissfully, looking up at the cloudless blue sky, I realize this is much like a metaphor for separation from my work life as well…approaching retirement slowly, one painful, fearful toe at a time.

9 thoughts on “Separation Anxiety

  1. oh, lord? been there done that, Suzanne… I tell you that’s what I was trying to convey about my maybe not giving Big Bend more of a looksee. I was sooooo tired of the desert terrain ~ even with the gorgeous sunrises and sets ~ by the time I got to Big Bend driving through Arizona and New Mexico and wanting to see the stuff I did see … but getting weary and …

    You used meltdown and a knot feeling. It’s the strangest sensation when I get out on the road with nothing for miles and miles away from anything…. it’s a dread feeling. uneasy. almost claustrophobic feeling. interesting. glad to hear someone else feel peculiar in that remoteness.

    That’s one reason, when I hear the call of the Pacific, I remember the drive. oh, baruther. I’ve done it twelve thousand times… at least. 😉

    Beautiful spring! I was sure I went by there. But I saw nothing like that. I love Barton Springs btw 😉

  2. You are the first person I have ever heard describe that panicky feeling that overwhelms me when I get away from infrastructure. I’d dearly love to explore the West and boondock like so many others I read about. But the idea of being in the desert, cut off from civilization and everything familiar, is debilitating to me.

    That pool is beautiful! But it’s so remote! 🙂

  3. The small pool picture you sent via email didn’t come close to describing this place. That is really, really a cool swimming hole! And .. wow, I never thought about that aspect of anxiety, only the anxiety from driving my ’84 Itasca, where all I can remember thinking is “which part of my fan, radiator or cooling hose is going to go flying off the engine next in this heat” and “wonder how much the tow truck will be from here”. I do recall when I drive through Vernon, Childress, Dumas, et. al. I remember a time or two thinking “glad the shotgun’s in the back or I just might stop right here and end it all” LOL.

    • Carolyn — I thought of you a lot while driving through the flatlands. “Where’s Panera Bread Co?” LOL!

      tinycamper — Thanks for the comment! It is refreshing to know I am not the only one who “bleeds out” in the wide open spaces! 😉

      Donald — Yes, I thought of you often, and how much you would love that “swimming hole.” Wish I could have dived it, but not enough time on lunch breaks. BTW, I don’t seem to recall you riding off into the Western sunset driving solo in “Old Bessie.” You always had at least one or two riding shotgun. 😉

  4. What a cool spring! First time hearing about this…. We almost went to a rally in Big Bend…just looking at the map planning the route was overwhelming…you are WAY OUT THERE! Lovely photos!

    • Thanks for the comment, CozyGirl! Yes, and I am about to get even OUTER! On the way to Big Bend next, where even loners get lonely! haha!

  5. I remember well the panicky feeling of being out there alone. You might try looking at RVillage.com. It’s brand new and in Beta testing at the moment. It’s social networking for RVers. It might act as a sort of lifeline. We haven’t signed up yet, but we will (gotta come up with a cool display name). For background info about it, look at technomadia.com I really enjoy your blog. Good luck!

  6. I know exactly what you are talking about. It’s uneasy. Highlighted by the fact that NO ONE really knows where you are at any given time.

    Usually I will try to think about how if I was in an urban area, I’d be cussing the traffic. Or, if I was traveling with someone else in the rig, we might be bickering. But mostly, I turn up the stereo and sing.

    I stayed at Balmorrhea SP last year for a quick overnight stop. Isn’t that the one with the grammar-school sized shower heads? About 4 feet off the floor?

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