That is not meant as a slam, instead it is meant as a “Thank you” to the friends and followers who have sent personal notes to check in and see if I am doing okay, since as one friend put it, “You’ve gone dark.” Your notes of care and concern mean a lot to me.
I temporarily lost my blogging mojo. It is tough to find my cadence again. Good time tales seem too frivolous, while bad time tales seem too morose. Yet for the blog to be authentic, it needs to include both. Easier to just stop writing.
But in thinking over my lifestyle now, most of my friends, my meanderings, my bottomless bucket lists and plans have come in some way as a result of this blog. If I am honest with myself, I feel a little lost without it.
I spent the holiday season in San Miguel de Allende, something I had booked and planned long before Dad’s decline. In looking back, I went through the motions, but it didn’t feel quite right. I was coming to terms with the guilt of having brought Dad home, the guilt of not being able to handle the “doody duty” required for long term care, and the guilt for longing to return to my life on the road. Everyone I talk to says “Guilt is a non-productive emotion,” yet no one can tell me how to rid myself of it.
So life continues to be a bit of a roller coaster as it has for the last couple of months. Dad has “good days and bad days.” There are days when he doesn’t even know he is supposed to swallow his meds, then there are days when he is demanding the car keys, but settling for the riding lawn mower! I guess that is the nature of life for dementia, but I certainly never expected the swings to be quite that drastic.
My parents are fiercely independent and determined to maintain control over their lives. So consequently, I am resuming mine. I got back to the Winnie a week ago, resting right where I left her in the Eagle View RV storage in Ft. McDowell, Arizona.
Getting back felt like an episode of the Amazing Race, as I had booked a midnight flight on Spirit, the last flight out of DFW in hopes of maximizing my chances for a ride to the airport (knowing I could entertain myself all day if I had to.) But Eagle View does not allow overnights in the storage area, so a 1:00am arrival meant I had to book a night at the EZ 8 Airporter Motel…a motel with “airporter” in the name, which turned out to be nowhere near the airport. I ended up paying more in ground transportation to get back to Ft. McDowell than I did in airfare to Phoenix!
Stepping into the Winnie, I broke down and wept. Never have I loved a home more than I love my little “snail shell,” and never is it more apparent than when I have been away from her for so long! I will keep close proximity to major airports, so I am never more than a couple of hours away from my family when they need me.
I have some catching up to do….so stand by for San Miguel Revisited. And again, thanks so much to those friends and followers who reached out when the blog “went dark.”
(All photos taken on a rainy day in Lost Dutchman State Park, AZ, unless otherwise indicated.)